The moments when I feel most inspired to write are moments in which I feel that the complete desire of my heart can be expressed in words. It’s a feeling. In these moments my desire is so clear, I feel happy, and I feel so certain that people will want to read my work. Do you have these moments? It feels like my complete compendium of work is already published, done, albeit, I haven’t even begun! It can feel quite crazy, because how do I include all of this desire in one work? Somehow, I feel that I should be able to complete this very quickly, but that’s not how it works. I don’t think my potential is for one piece of literature or one article or one blog post… My desire is an ought to be infinite, and that’s why I feel so insane for not beginning my work–my work is endless!
My work is endless, but it has a beginning, and in that beginning all is included, essentially–the joy of writing itself. These sensations are quite like nothingness, yet include everything. This is how I want my words to be read when they are published. We, as writers, do have infinite possibilities to write down on the blank pages, which are nothingness incarnate. We are required to form this nothingness in to something that our readers can relate. For some odd reason, this all inclusive beginning is at once perfect and chaotic. Chaotic in that, yes, I want perfection, yet it cannot be expected in a first draft or, necessarily, in first thought. Perfect in that whatever I decide to put down on paper will be, in its final draft, exactly what I want it to be, totally refined; eventually, I will have shared this raw, infinite desire with all of my readers. Beyond the words that tell tales is something much more clear, raw, and divine. My desire and work is to give my readers the most clear and inspiring picture of my innermost, pure desire. My tales will be more than stories; they must touch all of my readers at their core, at their desire.
My idea of the work I want to produce is a work that peels the layers off of raw desire. I want to create a body of work that at first glance may seem a little bit chaotic or ordinary but under the inspection of avid readers finally reveals the core of inspiration in the raw. I fall in the school of writers that believes that creative writing cannot necessarily be taught. I believe that really good writing is a talent to be developed through practice. My problem is the insanity that the blank page, the nothingness, poses to me at the outset because I’m a total perfectionist when it comes to my storytelling. For whatever reason, to me the nothingness, the blank page and the idea in my head, already contains everything and my work in creating a draft to share may produce an abomination. I’m hyper-self-critical (a Virgo). I need to figure out how to begin my creation without necessitating perfection at the outset, because I’ve begun plenty of times, but I have never finished a good story. I’ve had spells of not desiring to become an author, possibly out of frustration, but the desire to be published and widely read always comes back full force. I can’t say no to trying to produce a body of work; my desire for it is too strong, so my job is to begin and allow myself to learn from my mistakes. I must be able to allow myself to make errors, to besmirch the nothingness, to produce things that nobody wants to read in order to finally create something that many readers will enjoy. I came upon a quote by Ray Bradbury today that has inspired me to begin to create fiction:
“Write a short story every week. It’s not possible to write 52 bad short stories in a row.”
Maybe I’ll post my work in this blog… Not too sure about that–any advice on publishing original short fiction inside your blog?